Thursday, May 19, 2011

Post-Rapture Pet Sitter

Dear Christians,

As an Atheist, it is pretty much guaranteed that I won't be joining you in the rapture this Saturday. As such, I'm offering my services to all good Christians to take care of their pets after they are gone. For the low fee of $10,000 I will guarantee that if you are raptured on May 21st, I will travel to your home, any where within the lower 48 states, pick up your pet, and take care of it for the remainder of its life. This is a non-refundable, one time payment to ensure your pet lives a happy life if you are spirited off to heaven by the rapture on May 21st. All payments can be sent via PayPal. Please be sure to include your address and where I can find a key to get access to your house.

In the event that you are not raptured, for any reason, this payment will not be refunded. But, even if you don't happen to be taken on May 21st, won't you feel better knowing you at least set this up for your little fuzzy friend?

Good luck in your voyage to heaven!

John Hoover
Professional Post-Rapture Pet Sitter

P.S. Feel free to pass this offer on to your Christian friends. I'll be hiring additional support as needed to ensure your pets are properly taken care of.